


When My Insides Are Wracked With Anxiety, You Have The Touch That Will Quiet Me

by revenblue



Series: [collection] but you keep spinning 'round me just the same (Perryshmirtz) [97]
Category: Phineas and Ferb
Genre: Ambiguous Relationships, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Not talking about feelings, POV Second Person, Perry the Platypus Gets A Hug, Perry the Platypus Needs A Hug
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-18
Updated: 2020-03-18
Packaged: 2021-02-28 23:34:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,381
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23195587
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/revenblue/pseuds/revenblue
Summary: Actions speak louder than words.
Relationships: Heinz Doofenshmirtz & Perry the Platypus
Series: [collection] but you keep spinning 'round me just the same (Perryshmirtz) [97]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/746841
Comments: 4
Kudos: 57





	When My Insides Are Wracked With Anxiety, You Have The Touch That Will Quiet Me

**Author's Note:**

  * For [WaffleDogOfficial](https://archiveofourown.org/users/WaffleDogOfficial/gifts).



> Thanks to Waffle for the prompt! ♥

Despite what some would think, you're not invincible. Can't always keep it together. You get hurt, get exhausted, get tired. So tired. When was the last time you had a full night's sleep? Or time to scratch yourself. Too long, that's how long it's been.

In amongst all of it, the work, the paperwork, the extra missions you have no choice but to take on, you still have to thwart your nemesis. Every day, he schemes. Every day, you fight him. Every day the same as the last. At least it's familiar. At least he won't judge you if you're only half paying attention, or asleep on your feet. At least _he's_ still the _same_.

You've changed, over this summer. Somewhere deep in your bones, you're not the same Perry the Platypus who joined up with OWCA as a pup, ready to join the cause to fight Evil. You weren't even Perry the Platypus back then. Just Agent P.

The only thing you're sure of, now, is that you trust him.

Heinz. Your nemesis. The only enemy you've ever needed. Trusting him is ridiculous, it _should_ be ridiculous, but you _do_ , don't you? He's earned that. He's had your back more times than anyone else, made sure you're there to thwart him the next day and every day after, of course you _trust_ him. You shouldn't, but you do.

And he looks like he's just about finished with his monologue, so you suppress another yawn and force yourself to focus. He gets sad when he thinks you weren't paying attention. "All I have to do is fire it up," he says, and that's your cue.

Pulling out a pair of scissors, you cut open the rope around you, letting it fall to the floor. Trap, escaped. You narrow your eyes at him, calculating the distance, and jump.

Your foot catches him in the chest and he staggers back, remote still clutched in his hand. Dangerous. Have to do something about that before it fires, whatever it does. You don't know. It's been so hard to pay attention to anything these last few days, and even your nemesis's monologues aren't enough to change that.

_Fighting_ him is easy. Fighting him is always easy, you know him better than you know yourself, how he moves and where he'll be and that he'll always give you a fair fight. You punch him and your aim was off but he goes down anyway, keeping to the rhythm you've found with him. Punch and kick and dodge and growl, locked in combat with the one person who makes it feel so _easy_.

He falls and he rolls and he kicks out you and you don't have to think to dodge away, his shoe just barely brushing past your fur. Enough that your heart's in your throat. Enough that you shiver, fur lifting along your spine.

Push that out of your mind. Wrench the remote from his hands, turn it over in yours, find the self-destruct button. There's always a self-destruct button, one of the benefits of fighting him. Benefits of familiarity. You know him and you know his inators and you know there'll always be a self-destruct button and you know he'll curse you for it. So you push it.

Behind you, his inator explodes, the light shining on his face as he curses you, says the words you've come to rely on. The sign of a job well done. "Curse you, Perry the Platypus." He doesn't mean it any more, you know that too.

You turn to leave and your knees give out on you, pushed past their limits. Why didn't you demand a day off? Why did you let yourself be talked into this? Are you that concerned about your nemesis?

His voice reaches your ears, unintelligible over the thumping of your heart, and his gentle hands lift you to your feet. He turns you around to face him, deep blue eyes boring into yours, expression tight. Worried. Of course he's worried, you're supposed to be the strong one. You're supposed to be strong for him. His rock. He called you that, once, and you've never forgotten.

Pushing his hands away, you take a step.

On the next, you fall to the floor, tears in your eyes. Weak. That's what you are, you're _weak_ , falling to pieces in front of your nemesis like this. You shouldn't, you're supposed to be strong, supposed to be reliable, you pride yourself on it. Now that strength has failed you.

If you could, you'd shove him away, but you're too weak for even that. The only redeeming part of this whole situation is that you've done your job.

Taking you in his hands again, he cradles you against his chest, like you're _fragile_ , and you hate it. This isn't how it's supposed to be. "Can you please stop crying, Perry the Platypus?" he mumbles, thumbing away your tears. "It's making me uncomfortable."

He's not the only one. You hate that you've reached this point, in front of your _nemesis_ , of all people. It's not that you don't trust him, because you _do_. It's that _he_ trusts _you_. Relies on you and your strength. But you can't stop this shaking, because you're past your limits and hadn't _realised_. You should never have come here today. He deserves to see you at your best, well-rested and in control. Not falling apart, not like _this_.

All you did was prove to him that you're not the platypus he thinks you are. You're _not_ strong. Not someone worthy of his trust.

But he's still holding you in his arms. Looking away, but not abandoning you. Giving you space to fall apart in the safety of his warmth, where you know he won't judge you for it.

What else can you do but take that offer? Close your eyes, cling to his lab coat, press your face to his chest, and cry out all the aches you've gone through. Every hour of sleep lost, every hour with your family sacrificed, every damn piece of paperwork keeping you from the ones you love.

You're not a robot. You breathe, you feel, you wear down. Break.

Not in front of your family, never in front of your family, you can't afford to lose them. You can't afford to let them _know_. But Heinz, yes, he'll catch you, in hands so good at putting things together. He can put _you_ back together as well.

As much as he protests, he cares about you, _comforts_ you. Doesn't push you away. One more reason to trust him, against your training. Against all common sense, you trust your nemesis.

You stay, even after you've shed all your tears, taking the opportunity to listen to his steady heartbeat, without the weight of expectations weighing heavy on your shoulders. He doesn't expect you to be anything more than you _are_. Or anything less than that, for that matter. All he expects of you is to be Perry the Platypus, whatever that entails.

When you pull away, finally, he doesn't look at you. You're not sure you'd want him to. This is private, you pulling yourself together, and he's your _nemesis_. The last person you should trust.

The only person you _do_.

You can't look at him either, but you don't _need_ to, not when you know exactly where he'll be. Leaning on the hand he's offered for support, you push yourself to your feet, urging your knees to hold this time. Thankfully, they do. You're not sure what you would have done if they hadn't.

"See you tomorrow?" he says as you make your way towards the door, as if nothing out of the ordinary had happened at all. A promise that what just happened, didn't.

Exhaling out the last of your tension, you nod, pulling yourself up straight. Of course you'll be back. He's your _nemesis_ , it's your _job_ to thwart him, like it's _his_ to scheme. And he _does_. He's a schemer, a plotter, an evil scientist, and that's all you need him to be. Your nemesis.

You take comfort in that, in his reliable familiarity, the way you know he takes comfort in your routine. Every day is the same, and you wouldn't have it any other way.

**Author's Note:**

> Title from I Turn To You, originally by Melanie C but I'm rather partial to [Machinae Supremacy's cover](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LtHYy8QcoMM).
> 
> Written for the prompt "Can you please stop crying? It's making me uncomfortable".
> 
> Perryshmirtz server in series description as always.


End file.
